Progress Poems
Gratitude to all those lead here to witness! Our gifts guide us in many directions, our expression takes many forms to hold connections. These poems are recent reflections on the world and my commitment to creation. I light up when I create, even when I’m flaring up (whats that all about?) Not strength per se but devotion. I am tired of explaining how chronic illness and POTS specifically is fluid. Everyone's experience is different as we are complex people. I am dizzy and nauseous one second and laughing the next, did the symptom disappear? No. My mood did, this has been my reality all my life, a swift staggering change in the world of sameness. I’ll be 22 tomorrow, ahhh
Dreamer Collage- |Picture b/w| mid flare. Hand made stamps, torn page from my poetry book, and stars.| Sanai Reign
We’ve been given this world to hold
How to live on fire?
We crave better
Yes, we inspire
No one change can extinguish true desire
We received our reflections in the flames
Our kin will receive rolling hills
olive trees on an earth that’s healed
Unveil a new inheritance
I don’t hope for sympathy
I no longer struggle for understanding
find me at the reflecting pool
sharpening seashells into swords
whenever I'm bored I question the sea,
“Who are you to me?” She answers,
“Your hope of belonging, to be as deep and vast as me.”
picking through pain points to examine a few,
I find my heart on the edge of truths
I am not strong for living in pain
I’m weakened by the rain
fain fraudulent, accept misery as possibility
only survived by few. I tell her,
“I wouldn’t be who I am if I hadn't met you”
i remember how to see
my heart has been set free
my breath inspires symmetry
records live within me
tracing history in my tissue
hold me up like you’re living tree
sacrifice some time for me still no sublime
sacrifice your mind for me still not sublime
in seasons where the screen reigns supreme hail no other reason for you to be keen
on being seen, stick to the hard work
don’t eat at your goals,
control hardens your heart
be ye departed from the trivial
stop betting on your future smarts
tap into the structure in which controls your heart flow into your body
move like your art free to be in stillness, sublime
there’s gore underneath this surety
there’s war to underestimate real purity
some question your morality, when
faced with the woes of humanity
they question your sanity, when saying
“if your not free, we’re not free”
they want me selfish? …. but not isolated
because i dream of broken chains, cracked cages, and courageous chaos.
there’s gore underneath this surety
i won’t apologize for my body
i won’t be a statue ashamed to cry
i will die on this hill, i will not live a lie
wonderful erosion reaching past explosions to examine the fractals of this skin
shedding all the particles of the past
reaching new limits to last through this moment
wonderful erosion not searchable,
unreachable, irrelevant, irresistible and inescapable to all those daring enough to try.
no wonder we’re not destined to reach past the sky.
forest is so flammable the trunks as young as me fire catches each branch and limb on every tree neighborhoods of settlers burned in a blaze those unavoidable days.
what neighborhood prays for flood(s) to catch water?
those drained by data centers require new prayers.
wonderful erosion something is changing systems are changing.
we are watching erosion of vampires. what inspires new dreams between the scenes?
i’ve seen machines run over people living, breathing, grieving people in Palestine
i’ve seen children play with bombs, play with guns, and demolish homes.
i’ve heard of hangings, black people hanging from trees. how to handle all this grief?
how to handle all this grief? how to handle all this grief?(tell me, please!) how to handle all this grief?
i’ve seen crime so disastrous i hyperventilate and hate to say them aloud, but in my voice it’s free.
i’ve heard testimonies of women displaced, encountering men with weapons of hate I heard stories of whats happening in Congo.
Forced to eat families flesh, don’t you see???
humanities heart broke the moment our eyes flee!!!
we(ve) all have seen so much death i must withdraw. my heart is heavy, not hardened. do not confuse me for a fool. I am not eroding. I am changing, exploding.
I am changing, exploding. I am changing, exploding. I am changing, exploding.
i’m spiraling into something new, a galaxy of my own.
this life made of atoms this world made of buzz and hums loading changing, expanding into evolving freedoms.
In defense of children
Children are our benefactors if we dismiss them now.
They’ll feel dismissed forever. Trauma doesn’t disappear.
When ignored, it festers in rage. I locked my pain in a cage.
“Children should be seen, not heard.” “Fix your face.”
Know no acknowledged the hurt they added criticism to your self hate.
I’ve heard your voices all my life. I’ve observed in the child’s place.
We’ve never been on the same page. I’ve been locked up too long.
I was feeling small even in my safe space. I asked myself if my voice mattered. Could I push past the fear, and will the worthlessness disappear?
The people that have hurt me still haven’t apologized.
No one tampers their tempers; tantrums aren’t acceptable, but your behavior is not irreprehensible.
Children aren’t a protected class; everyone else just goes on with their lives. Why is my crying deemed unacceptable, but your age puts you on a pedestal?
You’re screaming while I’m weeping to be cared for enough to be listened to. You can’t hear my voice when your ego is feeding you.
It’s not sustainable to be emotionally unavailable forever.
Therapy saved my life. I used to be swallowed in the in-between of living.
Stalled by the ingrained insincerities people tried to stamp on my dreams practicality plucked the ire out of desire and placed pain on a pedestal.
I thought I had to be in control instead of being venerable; anger was a shield for the fear of truly being seen. 8-29-2024
Apologizing for complicity while still
Perpetuating violence that robs our communities endlessly
what a meaningless tired life.
my heart, my heart
breaks for you
my heart, my heart
was made for loving you
why’d you go where you know
i can’t follow? why’d you leave,
when i’m waiting by the phone?
everything reminds me of your laughter,
it all pushes me to lie on the floor and cry
my heart, my heart
breaks for you
my heart, my heart
remembers you
linger with me in the hallway of despair
i've beckoned hope to hold my hair
while the nausea seems to flare
linger with me to the footsteps of the past
the heartbreak i hold stiffens to glass
hold my hand while i shatter the masks
linger with me in the aching of today
the pollution swarms our lungs and laughs
i've beckoned death to hold my hand
linger with me in the sun
